I find myself constantly amazed by the way God orchestrates our lives…I know he is in control but yet I find myself dumbfounded every time he shows himself to me. So, as I write this post I smile, loving that I am constantly reminded that I am not alone.
It seems fitting that a lab work follow up, that would provide answers as to which way we will navigate the upcoming days, would manage to be cancelled/changed for a variety of reasons and be rescheduled to the very day Hannah was diagnosed ten years ago and they day after childhood cancer awareness month concludes.
Upon telling Hannah that today was going to be her recheck, she imediately said “no mommy, that is not a good day for us.” I agreed….I hate today with a passion, but yet I found a calm came over me that said, “Let’s make it a good one.” Hannah, is allowed to say two bad words on the anniversaries of her diagnoses….crap and sucks. I ran into her teacher today, who tells me, “Hannah, said today sucks”….of course she explains why, and he kindly nodded and agreed with her. (Thank you for this grace Jef Gordon) When I talked to her about this statement, I told her it was okay to feel that way, but lets make it end different.
So as Hannah and I drive this afternoon, to Arnold Palmer, we reminisce over our ten years, some things sad but a lot of amazing memories that we would never have shared as mother and daughter. I still, sit quietly in the car as she talks wondering what the next ten years will look like.
The truth is, we don’t know. The truth is…we don’t have facts to base Hannah’s results off of as she is paving the way for Metastatic Wilms’ Tumor. I do know this….this little warrior is on a mission that I can not control, her doctors can only react to or predict about and our lives need to be lived and not feared.
Hannah, will never have what we stereotype a “normal” life to look like….she has many more mountains to climb and in what order they occur, one will never know.
Hannah continues to slowly (and I mean slowly) improve in the lab department, so today we will veer left until we are told to veer right…..today we celebrate and tomorrow we begin the amazing new journey that we face. Any day they let you walk out of the hospital instead of hold you back is a GREAT day.
To our friends, family, loved ones near and far….thank you. To our cancer partners, warriors, angels and team….I hate that we are here, but I am honored to gain strength by each and every story I read and life that I meet.
To my beautiful daughter HANNAH….ONE DAY CLOSER! I am honored to be your mom!
Love, Thank you Sir Johnsky for always being there, the treats and the prayers!!